appendix
puberty
The water on the gas stove in the outer room was on. The pot made a sharp whistle. I was tired and pretended not to hear it. The wind blew. The door creaked and opened. My bed was very close to the door. I lay on the bed and masturbated. I freed up a hand to close it. After a while, the door opened again, and I ignored it. Let the door open and let the pot ring.
I had a house at that time. My heart and I rested there for many years.
We fight in the alley all day long. The "Ghosts" often capture the "Eighth Route Army" alive. The "thieves" dare to chase the "public security" and make them urinate. It seems different from what is staged on TV. Who is more realistic than who is? The Alley is my mother of memories. When I grew up, I got drunk and I cried in the alley.
We are dirty little kids, with long and long snots and shiny cuffs. There is an old locust tree in the alley and a small elm tree. The small elm tree was later cut off by Bai Yan's father and bought a shovel to put it on. Bai Yan's father said it was just right. We also smiled and said, "Yes, yes, it's just right." Her father threw a cigarette butt and left without saying a word. I hurriedly picked it up and took a few sips. Qiangzi next to me said, "Leave some for me, leave some for me." I took another suck, and spit it on the ground with my spit and snot. I smiled and said, "Suck!"
The elm seeds in the alley fell and the locust flowers bloomed. My hobby was to climb trees. There was a soul on the tree. The birds also had a nest and a nest. I poked the nest and tied the lit firecrackers to the birds. I said affectionately: "Fly, you are free. Amitabha!" The locust flowers might be able to eat. Qiangzi said that it was poisonous. Xiaowu said that it was not poisonous. I said that mushrooms were poisonous. Cypress said: "Anyway, I have eaten them all, and everyone will die together."
I like Bai Yan. The God of Love is a chubby little boy who can fly. He is carrying a dirty big pocket with toys and of course a bow and arrow. This grandson is very bad and is ready to shoot down someone's life at any time. I like to watch Bai Yan stick out his tongue and then say no with a stern face, just because of this I fell in love with her.
Once I climbed a tree and saw that the pickled cabbage in her yard forgot to cover it, and the cabbage under the windowsill forgot to cover it. She stood alone in front of the window, with a small figure and big sad eyes. Two tightly braided braids were two secrets that no one knew, waiting for someone to unravel the mystery of first love. The wind and rain were swaying, and the black hair was never old. Swallow, swallow, mysterious swallow.
Once the mysterious veil was unveiled, it lost its mystery and beauty. Once I climbed a tree and saw her going to the bathroom. Of course, it was the kind in the open air. She slowly took off her pants. My eyes lit up and it was so bright. Her butt was very white, dazzling. She squatted down to shit, and seemed to make a sound. Unfortunately, I was far away and couldn't hear it. I only saw the shit was thin and yellow, like mustard oil. A hare was jumping in my chest. In fact, there was a deer jumping in her heart, and she had seen me.
That night I had nocturnal emission, in my dream. I felt like I had been holding it in my urine for thousands of years, which made my stomach hurt. In my dream, I couldn't scream, otherwise I would wake up. There was no green gauze tent, no birch forest, and no place to let me urinate.
That night, Bai Yan had menstruation. She and I were both staring at our underwear in a daze. They were two maps of different colors, each guiding the awakening of sexual consciousness that lasts forever in the depths of our souls.
From then on, I stopped climbing trees, but Baiyan developed the bad habit of squinting. She met me in the alley and gave me three words with a stern face: "Shameless." I wanted to say there was a birthmark on your butt, but I didn't say it, just whistled loudly.
In life, sometimes boring, sometimes lonely, sometimes eating, sometimes sitting, sometimes shit, sometimes sleeping, sometimes happy, sometimes stupid, sometimes ** and sometimes troubles. Everything is sometimes. It is also destined to see Bai Yan’s butt.
It was going to rain, trees were going to sprout, and the children in the alley were going to grow up. Two years have passed. In the past two years, some of my trivial matters, a few eyes, and some fragmented words have become the most powerful evidence in Bai Yan's eyes. She suspected that I fell in love with her. A flame was burning in her heart.
It was very hot that summer, and the cicadas on the old elm trees in the alley were annoying. There was a beer bottle on the windowsill of my house, and the candles inserted in the bottle were bent over. I came back from school and threw it away. After a heavy rain, there were wet roses in the empty bottle. It must have been dried by cypress swallows, and there was a rose tree in her yard.
The girl's feelings are simple, fragile, and subtle like rose buds, sprouting layer by layer. I stood in the room and looked at the rose for a long time.
I wrote her a love letter. She was my neighbor, separated by a wall, but I sent it to her school. Now I only remember the phrase "Broken Heart". At that time, I was very excited and anxious. I walked around the room. Later, I became thick-skinned and could never find that feeling again.
The girl is so strange. I see that she likes me on her butt. Every girl has a cloud-like heart, her thoughts can fly, and there is a little bird in her body. The little bird of the cypress is blind and looks at me.
Bai Yan replied. After evening self-study, she knocked on my window, knocked on three strokes and handed me a note and ran away. Now I can still recall the sound of footsteps that gradually distant. The moment I unfolded the note, the blood vessels in my body were about to explode. Because of happiness, my heart hurts and my whole body was trembling for no reason. It said: See you in the alley at 12 o'clock tomorrow night.
Oh my God, alley, I'm kowtowing you here.
I put the note under the pillow and lay on the bed. The note seemed to exude fragrance, like thousands of flowers blooming under the pillow.
This warmth made me close my eyes, but I couldn't sleep, and I opened my eyes again and again to look at the moonlight outside the window.
The next day was Saturday. After school in the morning, Qiangzi and Xiaowu, I sat on the bench by the side of the road and watched the street view. At that time, silk tops were popular on the street, just like saying "I wore a bra". Later, trousers were popular, fearing that others would not know how fat and big their butts were.
"Bai Yan, this girl is so sexy." Qiangzi said. Xiao Wu suggested that I deal with her in the evening. I said, "It would be a hooligan when I come up. If her father knows, I will be in danger of my life." Xiao Wu said, "A bitch bared and the male dog climbed up. What kind of hooligans are there? Besides, you are not a good bird." Yang Yuying's singing came from a store selling tapes: "Don't ask me how many stars are there." I and I
Qiangzi and Xiaowu sang loudly together: "I will tell you a lot, a lot." I said Bai Yan had freckles on her face, and she looked like a fairy. Qiangzi said that there were not many girls like Yang Yuying in this world, and even if there were too many, I wouldn't give us a few left. Let's make do with it. Xiaowu sighed to the sky, very much like a hero who was tired of the world.
The years of watching the street scene have passed. I miss that time very much.
Bai Yan's mother set up a fruit stall at the entrance of the hospital, and the weights were always drooping when she weighed things. That day, the people on the street were as sparse as the teeth of an 80-year-old lady, and the business was bleak. Every time a passerby, Bai Yan's mother would ask if she wanted oranges or bananas. Bai Yan, wearing a torn skirt, ran over and said, "Mom, I want a new skirt." Her mother coaxed her and said, "Buy it for you tomorrow." She disagreed, cried and made a fuss, but ended up being slapped twice.
At midnight, the moonlight in the alley was like water. I stood under the locust tree and heard the wooden door of Baiyan's house creaking. She was wearing a new skirt and running towards me like a bird.
"[31   31xs.] Is it beautiful?" She stopped in front of me and asked with a smile. She was wearing a light yellow strap skirt with little blue stars embroidered with collar and cuffs. Her eyes were a little swollen, but they were big and bright. She spread her braids on her shoulders like an adult. I said, "Swallow, you should comb your hair." Her awl-like eyes stabbed me: "Please use your control."
A cricket chirped among the grass at the wall, and then the one under the locust tree cried too. For some reason, my heart beat faster. She raised her face. The moonlight made her charming. I suddenly hugged her very arrogantly, and she didn't have time to turn around. Love was just a box, packing lust. At that time, I felt a little lust in my heart. She pouted and struggled with a very little force. I don't know where she had the strength to carry firewood. She calmed down, bit her lips and looked up at the blue Milky Way in the night sky, then sighed, closed her eyes, and her long eyelashes. She listened to my heartbeat, feeling
Feeling my request, I swallowed. She said no. But I had kissed her trembling rose petals. I kissed her question and refused. The purest shyness was blooming. The first kiss was really gentle like moonlight, but unfortunately there was a bit of the leek. The dumplings she ate for lunch. I couldn't feel it. My heart seemed to jump out. There was a jade luster on her raised face, and the freckles disappeared. My eyes gradually became blurred. Suddenly, it became dark and dizzy. The earth was spinning. Later I knew that this feeling would not be the second time in my life.
Her hair was blown up by the wind and brushed against my face. I wanted to sneeze. I smelled the fragrance in her ears. My mind was awake. Chengen suddenly became erect and extremely hard. At that moment, I grew up. I hugged her tightly, and I just wanted to pee. However, she blushed and pushed me away and said, "Bad things." I hugged her again, but she was very scared and used the strength to carry firewood to run away. After running for a few steps, she suddenly stopped, turned around and looked at me with a provocative look. She stuck out her tongue and said, "Rogue."
From then on, she ignored me. She thought I was a dangerous person. In fact, I was indeed very dangerous.
From then on, when I am lonely, when I walk, when I watch TV alone, when I peel oranges, when I **, I will hear her say "rogue". That night, I masturbated for the first time. When I got home, I lay on the bed and turned off the lights, and I was not sleepy. I want to thank my left and right hands in this life.
Sexual fantasies often have a sense of crime. I have a beard on my mouth and evil thoughts arise in my heart. Adolescence comes unknowingly. Once puberty passes youth, it is over, just as everything goes black. I fantasize about **. The scenery in my diary for those days is gloomy and dangerous.
In a blink of an eye, I graduated from junior high school. Bai Yan was admitted to the city's medical school and only came back during the summer and winter vacation. I went to high school, Qiangzi joined the army and went to Qinghai, and Xiaowu was unemployed at home. For some reason, I was in a trance all day. Every unhappy heart in the world is like every unhappy grass. Loneliness, loss, and as if it was abandoned.
I often skip school and sit on the side of the road to watch the street scenes, or go to the billiard room to play basketball. After the ball misses, we all say "×". I discussed life with Xiaowu. Xiaowu said that he is himself, and what does it have to do with other people's life? Xiaowu said that he wants to make a lot of money. "What can't be done with money?" However, he did physical work in the workshop of an auto repair shop. In the workshop, machines roared, dust flew around, and the walls were filled with obscene poems and filthy words from workers. There is a sentence in it - ** - that I will never forget in this life.
My dad is a project manager of a construction company. My mom is a nurse at a county hospital. I remember the tree-lined road in the hospital. My mom held my hand like a puppy. There was a strong fragrance of sycamore flowers in the air. My mom's white coat was spotless, while mine was a little wrinkled.
My dad and my mom often quarrel, over trivial matters. We often make trivial mistakes in life.
One night, the power broke down, the yard was very hot, and mosquitoes were flying. My mother and I were having supper in the yard. My father brought a kitten back when he got off work. My mother chewed a piece of meat to feed it, but it didn't eat it. I took it to the alley to play. Baiyan called it Mimi, Qiangzi called it Xiaohei, and Xiaowu said she looked like a stupid egg. I said this was my cat, and I declared it was called Piqiu.
After I got home, I found that my parents had gone to bed early. I stayed in the dark living room. I heard a low gasp and I smiled in the cat. Actually, I was a kind child. That night was the only night I remember when I felt happy. That day was my birthday.
Later, my parents quarreled again, the plate broke, the teacup broke, and I hanged the cat on the chair in my room with tears. I wanted to masturbate, maybe it was related to my parents quarreling, maybe it didn't matter, and no one could find the reason. There are always some unexplainable things deep in human nature, for example, people are born with sex.
I was expelled from school in my second year of high school. I like to go to the movie alone. After the show ended, I felt extremely desolate. When I returned home alone, I dreamed almost every night, dreaming that I was sitting on the swing in the school and kicking the snow on the ground. I dreamed that there was a piece of broken paper buried under the rose bushes, with Bai Yan's name written on it, dreaming that Bai Yan and I were building a snowman at the entrance of the alley, and then shouted Er San, and punched and kicked it together.
At this time, a not-so-important woman walked into my life in chaos. My mother had stomach cancer. After half of her stomach was removed, she couldn't get out of bed. Every night, she felt so painful that the bed was rolling all over.
My father is very busy in business and rarely comes home, so he finds a nanny to take care of my mother. The nanny is named Ruyue, who is 8 years older than me. She is very beautiful and poor, wearing a wrinkled red dress all day long. I have evil thoughts and thinks she is very sexy, and she is the sexy in a red dress. I also despise her, with the pride of a boy. She looks down on her name, her profession, and her body.
Ruyue is a country man, and he speaks in the country. Xiao Wu calls her Eleventh Sister. I can't fall in love with her, but I want to occupy her and her body with fear. I am no longer a virgin because I have never tasted the forbidden fruit. It must be a wonderful thing. ** and Fallen may be two sisters, their mother is called Kongxu. I am very empty, my soul is wandering. I am idle except wandering around. I wait until midnight every day to watch the World Cup football match.
At midnight, I stood alone in the garden. The night fragrance at the foot of the wall will be lonely from dusk to dawn. I knocked down a flower closest to me. Some grass looks scattered in the night, and some shadows appear fresh in the night. The lights are on in the kitchen, and the moon is cooking for my mother. My mother is a night owl, sleeping during the day and awake at night. I quietly walked over and pulled the windowsill and looked in. Peeping makes everyone's personality split. My heart beats violently, but I feel a sense of crime. What do I want to see?
Ruyue was cooking, her slender waist was tied with an apron. Her neck was beautiful. She lowered her head and turned off the gas, and a strand of hair hanged down. I saw her **. My body immediately reacted. She was so close and so far away from me, only through a wall. She could definitely hear my strange gasp.
"Liang Yuan, you're scared me to death, why haven't you slept yet?" Ruyue asked in horror when she saw me, and then smiled. I walked to the door and said, "I have to watch the World Cup." My voice trembled, as if I was lying.
"Do you like watching football?" she asked. I said, "Yes, I like a lot." "What are there?" She asked casually. I said, "Ice skating, listening to rock, watching horror movies, what do you like?" She glanced at me and saw the bulging part between my crotch. She frowned and put the tomatoes and eggs in the pan on a plate. I like to scramble tomatoes. My face turned red. Later, I committed the crime of gangster and was imprisoned in the juvenile custody. After I was released from prison, I was already a man. Men can be lustful but cannot lose their true colors. This is the result of my hard thinking in prison.
I went back to my room. The Italian and French ball game on TV had already begun. I lay on the bed, staring at the spinning ceiling fan.
I went to wash my hands, and Ruyue was mopping the floor in the living room. The collar of her skirt was very low, and I saw her again. If she didn't have one, if she was wearing a shirt and buttoned tightly, I think my life would change. A person's destiny often depends on small things, such as a wall, two brushes, three or four words, six or seven eyes, etc. "What disease did your mother get?" she asked.
"Stomach cancer, she also took drugs, and she was beaten Du Lengding. She became addicted to drugs and could not live for a few days." My eyes lit up. Ruyue suddenly noticed it, glared at me and stood up to the bathroom to wash the mop. I followed in and washed my hands slowly and wiped it dry. Ruyue said uneasyly: "I want to take a shower when you go out."
The lights in the bathroom were out. There was no program on the TV, and there was a rustling sound. I stood outside the door motionless. Ruyue felt me ​​and dared not disturb all this. But the evil thoughts that were ready to move in my heart could be described as the prototype of animal desire and could grow up in an instant. The sound of water in the bathroom was roaring, and just a match could illuminate the woman's **. She would definitely scream. She thought it was safe to lock the door, but she asked me to breathe outside the door, suffocate, and have many contradictions, fighting with the beast in my heart. The beast had a hideous smile. The claws were hard and powerful, and could tear the skirt, tear off the underwear, despise morality, and ignore the law. I wanted to rape her.
I went into the house and took two yellow discs and put them in a conspicuous position in the living room, and placed a match on the disc. I went to bed with satisfaction.
When I woke up the next day, it was almost noon. The first thing I did after I got up was to see if the matches on the video disc were still there - the matches fell to the ground, so I smiled sinisterly. I thought Ruyue must have read them, and the content must have touched her.
My father came back at noon and told Ruyue not to forget to give my mother an injection, test her body temperature and blood pressure. He deliberately let my mother hear it, but in fact he hoped that my mother would die soon. I started to work hard all afternoon and investigate the terrain that could be committed. It is definitely not possible in the living room. My room is too close to my mother's room. Ruyue's room has an axe, and it is even worse. The grass is lush under a sycamore tree in the yard. I looked there and felt excited.
The night has come, and I will be finished that night. I will sooner or later fall into my own hands. Darkness is a sinful clothes. I lay on the bed, brewing courage. I hugged the pillow tightly, as if I was hugging her petite waist. Fantasy spread in my mind like a dark cloud, and I no longer hesitated. My mother sat on the bed with her hair disheveled, her face turned pale, and her hands were tightly grasping the sheets. She was still very awake and said to Ruyue weakly: "It's coming again, tie me up." Ruyue knew that my mother's drug addiction and stomachache were about to occur, so she quickly looked for the rope, but she couldn't find it. She remembered the one who was drying clothes in the yard. When she tiptoed to untied the rope under the sycamore tree, her two cold hands hugged her from behind.
I was so excited that I was a little dizzy. The woman in my arms called out "Oh my God" and struggled hard. I heard a voice panting and said, "Don't move, please, don't move!" Ruyue finally broke free and looked at me in fear. I didn't know what to say at this time, or smiled, but still remained silent. I suddenly took off my pants, and the thing was firm. Ruyue wanted to run, but her legs were weak, and she was hugged by me. I would not miss this opportunity easily. I threw her to the ground, rolled, and moved. She drove.
Chapter completed!