On the way back to London, I was thinking about Sitrickland's affairs, and I wanted to sort out what I was going to tell his wife. But this thing was not so smooth. I could imagine that she would be disappointed after hearing what I saw and heard, and I was also disappointed with myself. I couldn't see Sitrickland clearly, and I couldn't understand his motivation for doing things. I once asked him what opportunity it reminded him of learning to draw. He couldn't tell me, and it might be his secret, so he didn't want to tell me. I felt very confused. I analyzed it for a long time and came up with a reason to explain this opportunity: he had been living a monotonous and boring life,

But one day, he woke up from his dullness and his mind developed a hazy rebellious consciousness. However, this is not true: he did not hate the happy life he had in the past, at least I didn't see it. If he really decided to be a painter because he was bored with the boredom of life, I could understand it. This is not uncommon. Many people would be tired of the unchanging life at a certain period. But the key is that I think he is a unique person. I thought for a long time and finally came up with a romantic explanation. Although it didn't seem reliable, it was the only conclusion that I satisfied with. That is:

The desire for creation may have been planted in his soul. This desire is like a seed buried underground. It cannot be discovered normally, but it continues to sprout and grow. You can also imagine that the tumor continues to spread in human tissues. In short, it firmly grasps it and forces it to start changing without any resistance. The cuckoo will lay the eggs it lay in other birds' nests, making other birds think it is their eggs. When the young birds hatch, they will squeeze out other young birds and eventually destroy the nest that once protected it.

But I was surprised that a securities broker with a weak mind would fall into this creative desire and completely ignore the consequences - perhaps it would lead him to destruction and bring disaster to his relatives. However, some people would feel that they would follow God's revelation, which is understandable. They are not short of money and have a high status, but God firmly restrains them and makes them believe, so they can no longer see other things in the world, including worldly joy and love. They can be willing to live a life of ascetics for faith. This is refuge, which has more than this form, but many other forms. After conversion, some people will undergo a drastic change, like a torrent suddenly shattering stones; some people will go through a slow process, like a drop of water passing through a stone. Strickland is like a loyal believer, full of fanaticism about painting.

However, in reality, it is still unknown whether he can create valuable works driven by this enthusiasm. He attended night school when he was studying painting in London, so I asked him if any of his classmates had praised his paintings, and he smiled and said:

"They think I'm just having fun."

"Did you decide to go to the painting school just after you arrived in Paris?"

"Yes. That idiot came to see me this morning-I was talking about that teacher. After reading my painting, he just raised his eyebrows and said nothing before leaving."

Strickland laughed, not at all depressed. No matter what others think, it will not affect him.

When I get along with him, I always can't handle this. But if you say that he doesn't care about other people's thoughts about him, it's just that he's deceiving himself. Usually, people can ignore other people's opinions and do whatever they want because they think others can't see their true intentions. And at the worst, there are a few relatives and friends who support him, so he dares to give it a try. If it's a tradition of a certain class that often does things that are offensive, then it's not a big fuss for one of them to occasionally violate the tradition. This person will still be complacent and feel full of himself.

Courage does not need to be risky at the same time. But I think that it may be a natural nature of civilized people to consider other people's opinions before doing things and get support from others. If a woman does not follow the ordinary path and does something that is inconsistent with the rules and causes criticism from everyone, she will definitely feel disgrace and defend herself with self-esteem. Those people swear that they never care about other people's opinions, but I think they are just talking big. In fact, their original intention is: they are confident and not discovered by others, so they do not need to worry about being criticized by others.

However, the person standing in front of me is a person who doesn't care about other people's opinions at all. He does not care about etiquette and rules when doing things, and does everything as he wants. If you want to restrain him with rules and regulations, he will escape by his dexterity, leaving you helpless. There seems to be an absolute freedom in him. At that time, I said to him:

"Listen to my advice, if everyone does things like you, the earth will be finished."

"You are so stupid. I'm just a special example, and it doesn't mean that others are like me. For most people, they are content with doing their daily work."

I want to mock him.

"Then you definitely don't believe a famous saying: no matter what a person does, he must make his behavior a universal principle."

"I never knew that there was this famous saying, it must have been made up by you."

"Wrong, this is what Kant said."

"What does it have to do with me? It's just nonsense anyway."

I know very well that it will not work to reason with him well. It is like you want to see your own reflection but without any tools. Can this work? I think the purity of a person's heart needs to be guarded by his conscience. Without a conscience, people cannot abide by a set of etiquette norms of society. Conscience is a soldier who stands on duty, and it stands in our hearts, supervising our words and deeds at all times to prevent us from committing crimes. At the same time, it is like a spy in secret. People value others' views of themselves too much and are too afraid of public opinion's criticism of themselves, which leads to themselves to establish an enemy for themselves. Conscience monitors us, which faithfully safeguards the dignity of the master, and places people under the framework of society, and puts social interests first in everything.

It is the bond between the individual and the whole. People always warn themselves that personal interests are not the most important, and there must be one interest that is above it. The result of this way of thinking is that people invisibly look down on themselves. People lift this supreme interest to the throne, and they crawl at their feet piously like ministers. People feel extremely proud of themselves with conscience and claim to be a member of society. Then they will take it for granted that those who do not think of their conscience, so that they dare not resist themselves. However, Strickland is an exception. He does not care about other people's accusations, nor does he feel guilty about his irresponsible behavior. To be honest, I think he is like a monster, very scary.

That night, before I went back, he said one last sentence:

"Tell me Ami, don't come here to find me. Anyway, I'm going to move, and she can't find me."

"I think she might be more lucky to leave you," I said.
Chapter completed!