Where am I lying?

Why is it dark all around...

I vaguely seemed to hear someone talking, but I couldn't hear clearly what the other person was saying.

I'm a little tired, forget it, I won't listen, I feel like I'm about to disappear, but before I disappear, I always have to think about my whole life.

My life... is actually quite interesting.

I never knew who I was.

So, naturally, I don't know what my name is.

Maybe, I don't have a name.

It's so strange, how could there be people without names? In my understanding, it seems that everyone in this world has their own name.

But, I didn't.

I can't remember why this happened, but there is a little vague memory, it seems... One day a long time ago, I gave my name to someone else.

Willingly.

I feel so stupid, how could I willingly give my name to someone...

I don't know, maybe there is a reason.

Alas, my thoughts seem a little confused, so let me sort it out... In fact, these things always echo in my thoughts, which seem very important, but I can't remember them, but I can't remember them, and there is no way.

What I can remember is my childhood.

My childhood, I define it as my life before the age of twenty. In this ordinary world, like other children, I have experienced school, played, and experienced games that seem very childish again and again.

But the people around me always seemed to tell me to study hard, to do this and that... I was a little bored at first, until one day, when I looked at the rain falling in the sky, I suddenly felt curious about why it rained and what it was.

My teacher gave me the answer to this question. Perhaps it was from that day that I was full of curiosity about the world and everything. I like to ask why and like to get answers, which would satisfy me.

In order to satisfy this, I began to study hard and study hard. It seemed that there was a desire that was pushing me to obtain all unknown things.

Whenever I gain new knowledge and solve a problem, I will be particularly happy and happy. I feel that I seem to be much different from others.

Perhaps because it is too ordinary, I am more obsessed with what I think is unique, so I study harder and master all the knowledge I can master.

This kind of life lasted until I was twenty years old. At that time, I always wanted to show it, whether in front of friends, in front of teachers, or in front of the opposite sex.

I always seem to want to show my uniqueness, and even deep down in my heart, I always feel that I am different from others.

Although... I don't have an outstanding appearance, a wealthy family, and just an ordinary existence among all living beings, this does not affect my heart, a little bird lives in it.

This little bird, it flies in the sky, is my sustenance and also makes me feel unique.

But in the final analysis, at that time, I was still a bit polarized. The leap of thought and the ordinary reality made me like to be silent many times.

It was also at that time that I met a girl, a classmate from my class next door, and my first secret love in my life.

A secret love is happiness, and a secret love is also bitter.

But I'm willing.

Because, this makes me like to express myself more, all the time... I still remember that period, it seems that expressing myself was the instinct in my life. I even longed to be a hero, a darling of this world, a longing to be the attention of everyone, and thus attract her attention.

So, every speech I worked very hard and obsessed, until this secret love ended.

I ended up in failure and the other party didn't know at the end, and I was in a crush on her.

On the day of graduation, I was very sad and had plucked up the courage, but in the end... I still lowered my head silently. Perhaps this was a spell, and in the later studies in higher halls, I still had a crush on it again.

During this period, I also fell in love with fortune telling. Every time I was unhappy, I would find a fortune teller, sit in front of him, and take out some money.

There is a small trick here, that is, you can't give it first, and then you can get countless praises, countless praises, countless fates and other words. This will make me particularly happy, so that after the end, I will give my pocket money to the fortune teller.

This kind of life lasted for a few years. Before graduation, I received the first love letter in my life. I was very happy, but I didn’t like that girl.

Until I graduated, I had my own job, and my impulse to express myself seemed to have reached its peak at this time, so I worked hard, performed hard, and tried hard to gain recognition.

That life is quite interesting to recall now, because in my hard work, I met a girl and we fell in love.

Love is a bitter cup of coffee.

Although it is bitter, it is also sweet. It is only after drinking it until the end... it seems that it is hard to tell whether it is more bitter or sweet.

My first love is over.

It was also at that time that I learned to smoke in this world and was attracted by the wine in this world. Since then, cigarettes and wine have become part of my life.

I was still trying hard to show it, but the impulse in my heart seemed to have begun to fade a lot with the years. It was at this time that for some reason, there were more opposite sex around me.

The second love, the third love, the fourth love, and the cups of bitter coffee seemed to be connected together, and I drank it again and again. Until one day, I met a woman with tall and crescent-like eyes that made me feel very comfortable.

I think maybe this is the last cup of coffee I have in my life.

We love each other and we get married.

At that time, I felt that I could see how I looked when I got old at a glance. It was very relaxing, comfortable and beautiful...

Until one day several years later, the mirror was broken and marriage came to an end at this time.

I can't tell who is right or wrong, and I can't tell who is blamed.

Pain, struggle, gritting teeth, transformation... became the main theme of my time. The little bird in my heart also flew higher at this time, touching the sun and gaining sunlight.

Maybe fate likes to joke with people. In my life, there are many opposite sexes in my world. Some of them are tall, some are graceful, some are gentle, and some are domineering... They are all very beautiful and excellent. They come in groups and leave in groups, and while they repeat themselves, they also make me a little confused.

Because in the end... what I picked up from it was all a cup of bitter coffee, like smoke and like wine.

Smoke hurts the lungs.

Wine hurts the liver.

The opposite sex...sad.

But I still like cigarettes, wine, and have aspirations for love...

Until, when I was forty, I suddenly realized that compared to the opposite sex, I prefer to chat with my friends, talk about the past and give guidance to the future.

Whenever I drink, I like to pull my friends, brag together, laugh loudly together, tease each other, and be like a boy together.

Perhaps, it is this change that has made my friends more and more. I listen to their stories, and they also listen to my stories, we talk freely, and we tell them.

Maybe there will be some precautions, and maybe some secrets are kept, but it doesn’t matter, happiness is the most important thing.

At that time, I learned that everyone was a book, everyone had a story, everyone... in fact, they were lonely from the bottom of their hearts.

And the more I know, the less lonely I feel.

Among my friends are men and women, old and young, and everything is there, but that doesn't matter. A sincere smile is the power to break everything.

Gradually, more and more friends like to talk to me.

Gradually, my smile became clearer and brighter.

Gradually, I seemed to find a way to please myself.

In the period of my life, I transcend my pursuit of knowledge, my performance, my love, and my most important part of me.

This is a kind of sharing. Perhaps it is because the inner squeeze has reached a certain level, and the water is full and overflowing. It is not just that I need it, but many people... need it.

In this sharing and continuation, I have been going through year after year. I don’t know when I started, but I no longer like continuation. I began to pursue comfort. This comfort includes spirit and material things.

I think it was when my hair began to turn gray one after another.

I am no longer limited to what to do or what to think. I will think about everything that makes me feel comfortable and complete. I began to like to watch the blue sky, the white clouds, and the sunrise, but I don’t like sunset.

But I like the starry sky in the dark, too.

I like to sit in a rocking chair, have a drink, and bring a book casually, while reading, enjoying the air, enjoying time, and enjoying everything.

I stopped staying up late anymore, I started to get up early.

I am no longer obsessed with the reasons for everything, because many of them have answers.

I no longer want to show it because I see it too thoroughly.

I no longer keep telling each other, because that would make people bored.

I no longer think about the opposite sex, because when I looked at them, I just smiled. There might be some memories in my eyes, but the figures in the memories may not be very clear.

The only thing I pursue is to make myself live a more comfortable life and feel more at ease. It seems that everything in this world has become better in my eyes.

This kind of life lasted for a long time... Until one day, I touched my face and felt a lot of wrinkles. I looked at my hands and saw a lot of wrinkles and patches.

My eyes also became a little dim, and everything around me was blurred, but looking at me in the mirror, I still tried very hard to keep my body straight, and the smile still showed beauty.

It's just...outside the mirror, I know, I'm scared.

I became very timid, I became very cautious.

I know what I am afraid of, because sometimes after waking up at night, I seem to be able to see the figure transformed by the breath of death, looking at me silently outside the window.

It seems that they are calling me and waiting for me.

I don't want to follow them.

Even among them, some of them are old friends of mine.
To be continued...