I'm so tired. Is love so bitter?

I actually just want someone to spoil me and someone loves me, even if it’s only half of what I love him. But there is no.

I will never want to love again in my next life, it is too difficult to love.

Xu Yan woke up from the dream, and there was only boundless silence surrounding her. Those desperate words still lingered in her ears, making her breathless. She covered her chest and gasped, hoping to get more air. Her breathing gradually stabilized, and her breathing was no longer so rapid. She should be grateful, but she felt sad inexplicably.

She looked up at everything outside the window. It seemed that the palace had changed for more than ten years. It was still as majestic, so gorgeous, and so imprisoned her. She suddenly thought of the spring day a few years ago. She climbed up a tall tree alone despite the dissuasion of the little palace maid.

What did she see there? She thought she would see the outside world, but the scene of that day was still deeply imprinted in her mind, reminding her all the time, mocking her stupidity. She only saw endless temples, one after another, winding towards the horizon. The rubble on it shone with light, and golden light surrounded her. From that moment on, she should know something, and she should know that she could not escape.

In fact, she knew that she shouldn't have fantasies. From ancient times to the present, no king would have indulged in love. Those people either had boundless power and were not afraid of the eyes of others; or they were thrown into the abyss like all the people who were scolded in history.

Xu Yan couldn't help but chuckled, wondering if she was mocking her overestimating her abilities. She obviously was nothing, but she wanted love. No wonder she ended up today. She gently wrapped her knees and buried her face on it. When she was doing this, she felt a little safe, but then she would be swallowed by the boundless silence, leaving her nowhere to escape.

She just wants to love her alone, is she wrong? She is really tired. She really wants someone to appear by her side without having to go up to the mountains of swords and seas of fire for her, just to be with her side. Could it be that her little request was wrong? She doesn't know the answer to this question, and she can't answer it.

Two crisp knocks on the door were particularly noticeable this night. Xu Yan raised his head and looked out the door. He was hearing the voice of the man. It was Frost. Frost was timid and a little afraid: "Your Majesty, can't you sleep?"

Xu Yan didn't know why Shuangjiang didn't sleep so late, and observed her every move outside the door. She felt like she couldn't speak, as if she was moved, and she seemed to be something next to her. She finally sighed lightly, and then said to the person outside the door: "Come in."

Shuangjian breathed a sigh of relief when he heard Xu Yan's words. She hurriedly stepped into the door and walked to Xu Yan's bed and looked at her worriedly and said, "Your Majesty, what's wrong with you? Since you were sick, I have watched your body lose weight day by day. You have been worried about the matter of Lord Zhengguo. This happened to King Liang again... But you still have to pay attention to your own body!"

Frost Jiang's worries and insecurity over the past few days erupted at this moment. All her past calmness disappeared at this moment, and some of them were only uneasiness and anxiety. Xu Yan looked at Frost Jiang in this way and shook her head gently and said, "I'm fine, don't worry."

When Shuangjiang was about to say something else, she listened to Xu Yan: "By the way, Shuangjiang. Please help me arrange a meeting with the envoy tomorrow." Shuangjiang saw Xu Yan's appearance and wanted to turn the matter over and didn't want to mention anything related. But her words were stuck in her heart, and she always felt that if she didn't say it today, she would probably not have the chance to say it in the future.

She first responded to Xu Yan's order, then looked at Xu Yan, looked at every change on her face, and said to her: "But your Majesty, are you really not going to say anything to me?" Xu Yan did not look at her, but just curled the corners of her lips and said bitterly, "What can I say to you? If nothing happens, go back and have a good rest."

This time, Shuangjiang did not listen to Xu Yan. This was the first time she had served Xu Yan in so many years that she had violated her wishes. Shuangjiang knelt down in front of Xu Yan, performed an extremely standard gift, and then said to her: "Your Majesty, Shuangjiang knows that he has no ability, so he has not been valued by Your Majesty for so many years. Shuangjiang has never complained or dissatisfied with this, but is afraid that you will bear everything you have."

"For so many days, I have watched you sleep longer and become more and more awake. I don't understand what happened to you and what disease you are suffering from. I just hope that you can say something to me after you wake up so that I can be prepared. I am really afraid that you will be gone one day and I don't know why, so how can I explain to those aggressive people!"

Xu Yan was stunned for a moment when she heard Shuangjian's choking cry. She knew Shuangjian's temperament. She was the one who kept everything in her heart. She never showed her emotions at all, but today she said this in front of her. Xu Yan suddenly felt sorry for Shuangjian, which made her mature alone so much pressure that she should not bear.

Xu Yan gently held Shuangjiang's hand, and the words he said flew ethereal in the air: "Shuangjiang, do you believe in your previous life?" Shuangjiang was stunned for a moment when he heard Xu Yan's illogical words, and hesitated to Xu Yan: "Your Majesty, what are you talking about?"

Xu Yan increased the strength in his hand and approached Shuangjiang, and said to Shuangjiang with some threatening tone: "Just say whether you believe it or not." Shuangjiang was scared by Xu Yan's expression, and she hesitated and said: "If Your Majesty believes, I will believe it, and I will only believe Your Majesty."

Xu Yan stared at her for a while, then let go of her hand. She opened her red lips lightly, and her voice seemed particularly terrifying in the empty night: "Okay, if I tell you now, I'm not sick at all, I just dreamed of my previous life and fell into my previous life, do you believe it?"

Xu Yan's cheeks were immersed in the darkness, and light and shadow blended on her face, which was inexplicably terrifying. Shuangjiang couldn't help but shrank, not knowing whether it was because of Xu Yan's expression at this moment or the illogical words she said because of her release.

Under the intimidation of Xu Yan's eyes, Shuangjian slowly said his answer: "Your Majesty, you are sick, I will invite the imperial physician to come here for you!" Xu Yan closed her eyes with a little ridiculous sound when she heard her words. She knew that she should not have unnecessary hope for anyone, and she should not hope that they could believe her.

Look, it’s not that she doesn’t want to trust anyone, but that some things should be buried deep in her heart and rotten in the coffin. Even if it is really, it doesn’t need to be said, unless you want to be treated as a monster. Xu Yan looked at Frost, who was shaking all over, and reached out to touch her face, but she slapped it away.

Shuang Zai took two steps back in a hurry, stood up tremblingly, and said to her, "I will go down now and call the imperial physician for you." After saying that, she hurriedly carried the hem of her skirt, and even knocked down a pot of flowers and didn't dare to turn around to help her.
Chapter completed!