Li Pingrun thought of his grandmother and his sister Li Gengmi, and felt that he might not be someone who did not have that kind of courage.

He thought: Something must have sucked my courage... I now think that even if I could realize the problem of injustice to the Blue Armor people, I would only dare to say something secretly, and I would not dare to do anything secretly, let alone say or do anything openly. The reason why I think this is because the person who thinks about these is the me now, right? I am imagining what I would have done in the past, right? If it were the me of the past, would I not dare to say it secretly or explain it clearly in that situation? In fact, it is not necessarily. When I first worked for the patriarch, I should not be as timid as I am now? If I stayed in an environment where I could be punished at any time, would my courage fly away? Will my courage become smaller? But if I don’t become timid, can I, a person who works for the patriarch, really survive until now?

Li Pingrun thought of the times when he was afraid of death, when he was punished, or even when he was even blamed, and then he thought of the times when he knew that his sister's death was indeed related to him, and he no longer nostalgic for this world. He felt a lot of emotion.

He thought: I am really... In fact, it is normal to have a desire to survive... At that time, I was afraid of death to that point, but later I became afraid of living... Why did the same person have such a big difference in reaction? When I was afraid of death, did I beg for everything I got and disappear with my death? When I was afraid of being alive, did I want to avoid pain? But later, if I still beg for everything I got, why did I want to escape from the world? To avoid pain and greed for what I got,

Which one is more important to me? Is it to avoid pain? Maybe it is! But... In fact, sometimes greed for income itself will cause inner pain. When I just want to stop, I feel that as long as I stop, I will lose everything, and if I don’t stop, I will lose everything? No, I still feel guilty in my heart, and my strong guilt towards me. Perhaps my worst pain comes from regretting what I have done before, it will be useless. I cannot let my sister who died because of me return to this world? What am I afraid of?

Li Gengmi thought about it but didn't think it completely, so he stopped thinking about it.

He began to think: Gengmi asked me to live well, and I seemed to understand something at once. Of course, all this was inseparable from what Elder I had said before. Every time I promised the people in power in the Tiecang tribe to do something, no matter whether the thing was done or not, I had to pay the corresponding price, and Gengmi would suffer more pain. In fact, after my sister passed away, I knew about this before I saw her letter, but after I promised the clan leader, I couldn't do it steadily when I wanted to do it. Now I think about some obsessions that should be let go are to let go. Whether I did it or not, the consequences have been caused. Repeated struggles in my heart will make me seem abnormal, and I can't do what I promised well, and other problems will arise. If other problems arise, other consequences will not be caused, from a certain perspective, I am also sorry to my sister.
Chapter completed!