(Four thousand seven hundred and seventy-three) shame
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"Do you think you were not 'begging' him at that time, but just wanting to 'ask' him?" asked the Grey Handman.
"Yes, I just asked." The man said, "because... because... I actually... I didn't think the other party could... be able to do what I said."
"When the other party said 'please', do you have no other thoughts in your mind?" asked the gray-handed man.
"I felt a sense of shame at that time, but it was vague, not as obvious as... it is now," said the man.
"Why do you think?" asked the gray-handed man.
"I feel...probably...probably because...I was really afraid at that time..." the man said, "The fear in my heart had suppressed some of my...some shame."
"You said that your sense of shame was just a vague one, so didn't you obviously want to say anything in your heart?" asked the gray-handed man.
"What obviously wants to say?" asked the man, "What kind of words? What...what does it mean?"
"Just ask, when you feel vaguely shameful, do you have any specific words that want to deny him?" The gray-handed man asked again.
"At that time...no." The man said.
"In other words, there are no different words in your heart? Didn't you struggle in different words?" asked the gray-handed man.
"It didn't appear at that time," said the man, "but... but if this happened at this moment, I think... it would happen anyway. I really feel... too... too embarrassing, largely because... because of the word "please."
"In that world, even if you hear the word 'please', no other words appear in your heart." said the gray-handed man.
The man looked ashamed and said, "Yes. It's just... I just feel a vague sense of shame in my heart... but... nothing happened."
"So, if he can really understand what you think deep down, he can only understand the voice you affirmed and cannot understand the shame in your heart?" asked the Grey Hand Man, "Do you think so?"
"I...I don't know either." said the man, "I can't explain this clearly. I don't know how much he can understand what I think...what does it take me to think of so that he can understand that kind of words, or...what as long as I have a certain feeling, he can understand clearly."
"You can't accurately judge this through the previous situation?" asked the Gray Hand Man.
"Yes, I think... I really can't explain it clearly." The man said, "Actually, even if some of the situations he said, I don't know whether he really learned from me or... or guessed based on my performance. Even if he... he really understands that there was a sense of shame in my heart, he can... not say it in front of me. If he just wanted to insist that I wanted to 'beg' him at that time, then... even if something happened in my heart because of shame, he might... pretend that he didn't understand, let alone tell me... He didn't say it now, it doesn't mean that he couldn't understand that there was a sense of shame in my heart."
Chapter completed!