"I love you, mom; I love you, mom..."

Matthew's voice was trembling. He buried his head deeply in his hands, and the tears broke completely. But he forced himself to suppress his sadness and regret, trying to comfort his mother who was already crying at the other end of the phone, but he could not control his voice. He was like the leaves of the sycamore tree floating in the autumn rain, trying his best to grasp the trunk, but he couldn't help but break away from the big tree at any time, danced in the wind, and then became a dead leaf on the earth.

I have so many things to say, but I can't remember a single word.

The phone finally hung up, and Matthew curled up together, biting his lips tightly to prevent the crying from overflowing, and then he tried to start breathing. The cold air mixed with the bleakness in the middle of the night poured into his lungs bit by bit. Only then did Matthew feel his breath of life again, breathing in big mouthfuls.

But soon Matthew realized that he had no time to enjoy such breathing. He leaned against the iron window and looked at the wall clock in the corridor outside. Twenty-two minutes, his life had the last twenty-two minutes left. What was that feeling when a person knew exactly how long his life was left?

The temperature in Matthew's body was fading little by little, and even his blood began to become cold. He breathed hard, but found that the oxygen always seemed to be insufficient. Then his body began to become tired, and everything slowed down. The picture in his mind that he thought was blurry gradually became clear, fragmented, messy, but extremely clear.

"I let time pass like this." Matthew sat there, looking down at the cold handcuffs on his hands, tears still remained in his eyes that had not been wiped clean, and his face was full of fatigue. "Tell mom I love her and talk to every brother..." Matthew tried to recall the content of the phone, but found that he seemed to say nothing and hung up the phone.

Matthew raised his head, frowned and looked at the nun Helen with a hollow look, "I hate saying goodbye." But his eyes immediately retracted, as if he was just talking to himself, "I told them if I could, I would rather talk to them at the moment before..." Matthew did not change his breath, his face full of loneliness and struggles entangled in the corner of his mouth.

Although the nun Helen could only see Matthew's side face, and could not even see Matthew's eyes, Matthew's whole body was filled with miscellaneous and entanglement, as if the dim lights in the prison were dimmed a little.

"What's wrong, Matt? What's wrong?" Sister Helen said earnestly, the words as light as a cicada's wings were filled with infinite eagerness and sincerity, because she knew that there was not much time left for Matthew. If Matthew still did not want to repent, he would not be able to be saved.

Matthew didn't look up, but just murmured in a low voice, "My mother kept saying, 'It's all Vettelo'. She kept complaining that I took that guy with him." This was originally the theory that Matthew advocated, and it was also the one he had always insisted on, but at this moment, Matthew's words were full of powerlessness. He shook his head gently, with a small arc, but revealed an incomparable firmness, "I don't want her to have such thoughts."

Matthew raised his head and looked at the sincere eyes of Sister Helen with guilt and timidity. Those eyes were filled with sincerity and enthusiasm, but Matthew didn't dare to look directly, his eyes moved in a panic, "As you said, I could leave at that time." Matthew paused and said firmly, "But I didn't."

After saying this, it seemed that all Matthew's energy was consumed. All the lies were exposed at this moment. He tried to deceive the whole world, but in the end he was just deceiving himself. He kept trying to escape the truth, he kept trying to excuse himself, but the voice deep in his heart was mocking himself: You are a liar.

At this moment, Matthew tore open his scars hard, and put the truth in front of him without any cover, which made Matthew at a loss. He felt as if he was standing on the judgment stage in full fruit, but there was no onlooker in the audience, only him. His own eyes were staring at the fruit body itself motionlessly, and the scorching gaze seemed to mock his embarrassment and panic, and sympathizing with his belated confession.

"I'm asking for trouble." Matthew said to himself softly, then raised his head and looked at the nun Helen. His amber eyes were filled with pain and self-loathing. "I'm a coward." He picked up the dagger, peeled off the wound he had never shown before, and showed it to his nun Helen in blood, and even more directly and cruelly.

It turns out that his life was a joke from beginning to end. No one forced him. All of this was his own choice. It was just because of his timidity and cowardice that he pushed all the mistakes on others. This tragedy was made by himself.

This fact made Matthew's eyes full of pain and struggle, but a sarcastic smile appeared on the corner of his mouth. The fierce conflict made the nun Helen see all the eyes, and the hot tears filled his eyes.

Sister Helen knew that she should not sympathize with Matthew, because Matthew was a murderer, but she could not control herself. When she saw the weak soul trembling in Matthew's eyes, she knew that Matthew also needed to be saved and Matthew also needed to be redeemed. If... if someone was willing to listen to Matthew, then wouldn't the tragedy have happened?

"He is more savage than me. I just...drinked too much and tried to show off my might, but I still can't...I don't have the courage to resist him." Matthew said softly, as if he was stating a simple fact, but the struggle in his eyes revealed that the wounds in his heart were constantly pulling, "I tell my mom, I am a coward."

Recalling his mother's cowardice and loneliness, Matthew's voice couldn't help but choke up, "She kept saying 'This is not your fault, Matt, this is not your fault...'" Matthew's voice slowly lowered, as if the mother was gently coaxing her child to sleep.

"Your mother loves you very much, Matt." Nun Helen was almost speaking in anger. She was afraid of breaking the tranquility of this moment, and also afraid of defeating the last line of defense in Matthew's heart. Her eyes were filled with tears, but she still couldn't bear to slide down.

But Matthew heard the words of Sister Helen. He was silent for a while, and his emotions seemed to calm down, and then he slowly said, "That boy...Walter..."

Matthew looked up at the nun Helen, and the struggle and pain in his eyes were undoubtedly revealed, "Hmm?" The nun Helen raised his tone gently, "What's wrong?"

Matthew looked at the nun Helen calmly, his amber eyes were unprecedentedly clear, without the violence, cunning, struggle and cover-up of the past, and showed all his emotions without missing out: sadness and regret stirred up storm deep in his heart, "I killed him."

Matthew admitted the facts like this, and he confessed the facts for the first time. Tears that kept spinning in the eyes of Sister Helen slid down, "And Hope?"

"No, I don't, ma'am." Matthew shook his head gently.

"Then you raped her?" An unprecedented divine light appeared in the eyes of nun Helen, guiding Matthew step by step towards the end of self-salvation.

The huge rock deep in Matthew's heart slid down like this, and the feeling of relief came in an instant. He was so clear at this moment that he had done what he had done. He ruined the lives of two families, and he also destroyed the lives of his own family with his own hands. Tears suddenly surged up, which made his voice choke, "Yes, ma'am."

Matthew had to try to pursed his lips so that he would not cry like a coward, but his red eyes had already leaked his inner fear, fear and regret.

"Would you be responsible for their death?" Nun Helen did not wipe the hot tears from her cheeks, but looked at Matthew motionlessly, looking at all the emotions in Matthew's eyes, slowly guiding Matthew.

The affectionate and focused eyes completely defeated all Matthew's defense, "Yes, ma'am." Then he began to cry, tears slowly slid down his eyes, and he whimpered, "I knelt down to pray for them after turning off the lights last night..." He spoke out his words in one go, squeezing all the air in his lungs, because only then could he not be interrupted by his own cry, "I have never done this."

Matthew sat in place and let the tears slide down, sobbing constantly. Seeing Matthew like this, Sister Helen could no longer hold back her tears, and she poured out one by one, "Oh, Matt..." She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath, and then she could continue to say, "Some pains can only be healed by God. You did a very terrible thing, Matt, a very terrible thing..." Sister Helen tried hard not to let her tears disrupt the rhythm, and said, "But now you regain your dignity, no one can take it away." Sister Helen looked at Matthew's regretful face, and before she could finish her words, the tears fell down again, "Matthew Pontsley, you are God's child."

Sitting in place, Matthew bit his teeth tightly, and the muscles on his face became tense because of his tooth too hard, but he still couldn't help it. The crying overflowed from the cracks of his teeth little by little. Even if he tried hard, the tears still fell down in disobedience. "No one ever said I was God's child," Matthew said choked, but a bright smile appeared on the corner of his mouth. The smile bloomed proudly in tears. "There are countless people who say I am a bastard." Matthew did not forget to tease himself, but the laughter lasted for only a moment, and then he was overwhelmed by self-blame. "I just... just hope that my death can bring some comfort to their parents..."

Matthew sat there like this, crying sadly like a child. His body shivered from fear. The crying sounds that overflowed like a wounded beast were mixed with pain, struggle, regret and despair, but because he bit his teeth tightly and pursed his lips, echoing trivially in the cold prison.
Chapter completed!